Monday, January 30, 2017

Review of THE GREAT WALL: Reptilian Ridiculousness

January 29, 2017




The topic of this film interested me a lot -- the Great Wall of China. I had my apprehensions about Matt Damon being one of the lead stars of a film about ancient China, but that did not stop my interest in seeing it. The fact that this was director Zhang Yimou's first English language film added to the interest. I purposely did not read up on what this movie was about, nor did I see any full trailers about it before going to watch. That ignorance about the plot turned out to be a big mistake.

English mercenary William Garin was in China looking for the fabled and precious "black powder" used to make powerful weapons. They were captured and taken prisoner by brightly color-coded Chinese troops the Nameless Order, an army who trained their whole lives to fight a massive horde of alien reptilian monsters called the Taotie which attack the kingdom every sixty years over the past 2000 years. 

Yes, you read that right -- alien reptilian monsters! I have to confess that I was totally taken by surprise by this outlandish plot.  Here I was expecting a serious historical film, and here comes something totally out of extreme left field. When I first saw those green beasts rushing towards the wall, I was in shock, in a bad way. The cartoonish computer-generated imagery of these monsters were so poorly-executed, it was comically terrible to watch. 

Matt Damon looked ill at ease during the entire duration of his screen time. I can't believe that an A-list actor of his caliber is involved in a ridiculous film like this. He never looked right as an unscrupulous murderous mercenary at all from the start. When he predictably turned hero midway, it was not surprising a bit. By then though, I was so exasperated and baffled about the things I was seeing onscreen already. Damon in heroic mode could not save it for me anymore.

OK, it was not a total bust. The Chinese aesthetics in the production and costume designs with those brightly multicolored army uniforms and display of battle skills were grandiose to witness. There were also positive Chinese ideals being espoused, particularly about trust, which was specially highlighted and reiterated. Chinese actors like Jing Tian, Andy Lau and Lu Han (formerly from EXO boyband) get big roles as heroic warriors in a Hollywood film.

However, these positives do not make up for some lousy history details (like about Chinese learning about magnets from Westerners) or that maddeningly simplistic solution to their major problem (really now --  kill one, kill all?) The big anxiety about the White Savior plot line was NOT unfounded. I am just thankful to be spared a full romantic subplot between William and Commander Lin. The hint was bad enough. 3/10. 


20 comments:

  1. Obviously, you write and talk faster than you read. The prologue or opening text clearly stated that it was based on legend. You expecting it to be based on historical facts was your mistake. The film didnt claim that at all. Maybe you should watch the entire movie again and read next time so you dont look stupid.

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    1. Indeed. How stupid is he to expect otherwise when it was clearly said in the beginning... "just one of the many legends..."

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    2. Thank you for reading and for your comment. I admitted from the first paragraph that it was my ignorance about the plot that was my fault. I did not deny that.

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  2. Totally your fault for expecting a historical film. What's more, being butthurt 'cause the movie didn't follow your self-made and ignorant expectations? Way to bask in your own ego. The 3/10 score here should be your being a 'movie critic'.

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    1. Thank you for reading and for your comment. I am not claiming to be a movie critic. I was just expressing the disappointment I felt about this movie when I watched it. This is just my opinion. I am sure a lot of people also enjoyed this film like you did.

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  3. Being a period film is a struggle for movies since it's rather harder to connect unlike contemporary film. It would have been better to have an all Chinese ensemble.

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  4. Ouch with the 3/10 score. I can feel you cringing from your seat. I guess it is safe not to have any expectations from a film? Watch and tell yourself, "surprise me". hehehe

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  5. I've never seen this movie before, but I like what is your perspective in this movie.

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  6. It is just sad that the movie makers did not spend enough time researching on the subject. Great write up from you though :)

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  7. Awww... too bad it wasn't what you expected. Even in the poster, the face of Matt Damon there doesn't look right. Perhaps next time it would really help to read about the movie first or at least watch a preview. Thanks for the honesty in your review!

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  8. The title and the Asian actors captured my interest, too. Not sure if the 3/10 rating can deter me from watching this.

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    1. If you do get to watch, please let me know what you thought about it. :-)

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    2. I'm sure that if you were able to read the opening text, you wouldve enjoyed the movie quite a lot. I was almost ready to criticize Matt Damon being cast into a Chinese film similar to what they did to Keannu in 47 Ronin (cast into a Japanese story), but after reading through that opening text, I was ready for anything because I no longer expected the film to be factual. I regret that you didnt enjoy it, but like the other comments it wouldve been a good idea to have paid attention to the details of the movie when you watched it. No need for research. It was there to begin with. Why werent you able to read it anyway??

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  9. It is an introduction to Chinese mythology, introducing the Four Saint Beasts to a wider audience. Not about "alien reptilian monsters". Please read up before posting such assumptions.

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  10. I am actually quite interested in watching the movie because it speaks of one legend from Chinese history. sure it may not be factual, but a little fiction and imagination didn't hurt anyone.

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  11. Hahaha!!! Stereotyping at its best!!! Don't worry Kungfu Yoga is coming up and I'm awaiting to see stereotyping of India at its best...

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  12. The 3/10 rating makes this movie seem really like a total waste of time. I think I'd also not appreciate a historical film like it. The plot does not make me interested.

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  13. I agree that the name is misleading in a way that you'd expect something different but I am sure you would not mind being pleasantly surprised. Being shocked is sad. Did you watch it on big screen? cuz on big screen a lot of things look okay even when they are not but you cannot watch the movie again on laptop or at home...

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  14. I did not know the existence of this film, and I should have seen or heard it because I also like Chinese culture. About Matt Damon as the protagonist... I do not know if it convinces me... lately he is everywhere, in fact last year he was in my city filming the last Bourne movie (in Tenerife).

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  15. Haha, I didn't catch it and I'm glad I didn't. Heard extreme views from friends though. Some really like it, but others don't (like you)

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